Coffee=Happy

I inherited my mother's loud stomach (darn you, Mom). It's not usually an issue. Places are usually loud, or at the very least, I am so no one can hear my tummy making noises. There are a variety of noises it makes. There's the standard rumble -- but most people get it when they're hungry. I get it when I'm hungry, when I'm eating, when I'm digesting, and when I've finished digesting. Then there's the "inside farting" as I've coined it. It sounds for all the world like a muffled fart; but (and this is key) I'm not actually farting. It's just stuff moving around and air bubbles floating around in the abyss of my stomach.

I've grown accustomed to my stomach. We hang out, we communicate, it works for us. Except on Sunday mornings. Church. Oh, the horror. For some reason, my stomach is especially noisy in the morning. I give it toast, I give it multivitamins and water... what more could it want? Well, we (the stomach and I) finally figured it out - coffee, and lots of it. I woke up early for church and get ready in record time. I decided to make an entire pot of coffee to bask in my having a proper coffee maker. Huzzah. My coffee addiction has greatly decreased out of necessity since I came to New Zealand. First off, coffee makers, coffee grounds, etc are expensive. If I'm going to go out for a cup of coffee, I'm going to get a dessert in a cup in the form of Starbucks. Sure, I drink coffee at work, but it's hardly the addiction I once held. So I decided to rejoin the ranks of addicts and make an entire pot of coffee to drink in an hour.

At first, the stomach was a-rumblin'. But then, it just started making some really happy noises. (You'd have to know my stomach.) Then... it just shut up. No awkward noises in church. No people looking around my area of the church trying to find the source of the gurgling. Just peace and quiet. The solution is merely obscene amounts of coffee; how did I not suspect?!