Banks Blow Monkey Butt

My new bank is going to be a shoebox under my bed. I haven't ever been fond of banks because I'm not very good with money. Still, I have made huge efforts to not suck with money and have been doing a pretty good job about it, if I do say so myself. Well, I got my tax refund (much anticipated) and went to put it in my offshore account. (Get it? I have a bank account outside of the States.... like mobsters! Call me Annika McMobboss.) They have a thing about out of the country checks, which is entirely understandable, but this is a check from Uncle Sam. I was hoping that they would assume that the US government would be able to hold up their end of the paying bargain. Evidently, no. So I told the bank teller, "Well, if you have to hold it for three weeks, then I'll just take it back and send it to my account in the States. Quicker, you know?" Still holding on to my check, she says,"Is it really that big of a deal to get the money right now?" In my head, I was thinking, well, I will have bills to pay next month and holding the check for three weeks might put me in an awkward situation. Plus, if you pay the bills early, you get a discount and I'd hate to miss... wait a minute. Out loud I said, "I don't know how that can possibly be of any concern to you. I'll take my check back now, please." She goes on to insist that I put the check in the bank and sit on it for three weeks because it's more responsible. I tell her that I wasn't looking for financial advice. Admittedly, I was starting to get testy. I had to basically yank the check out of her grubby little hand.

Then, my mom had sent me a rather generous gift herself, in the form of American currency which is surprisingly easy to deposit into an account. I asked her to just put that in the bank and I went on my way. Well, today, the money still hadn't cleared into my account. It was there, but not part of my available funds. I went to the bank to straighten it out and it turns out the teller had entered it as a check! It was easily fixed when I was there, but the wretch of a woman wanted me to wait three weeks to access my own freaking cash! What is wrong with people? Did it really annoy her that I was getting money from the US government? Is it really so wrong that I feel that if I have the check in my hand, I should be able to access the money immediately?

Banks suck. The only bank I'll ever love is M&I Bank in Wisconsin. They called me in Indiana once to let me know that my account in Wisconsin was in danger of overdrawing as a fee was going to be coming up in a week and I didn't have enough money in the account to cover it. They called because they knew I was a student, that I was out of state, and had a knack for overdrawing my account by annoying increments of 50 cents. That's banking, my friend, that's banking.