Stupid Scary Movies

It is a widely known fact that I despise scary movies. I don't like being scared. I don't need help fearing my environment. The movie It has scarred me for life, leaving me with a fear of clowns unmatched by most fears of my life. I prefer the reasoning my dad uses: I just don't like people who openly try and deceive me about who they are. Most likely though, it's just some asinine fear I got from watching It when I was far too young. Also, the movie Joyride (was that what it was called? The one with Steve Zahn and Paul Walker and that girl who never wears a bra but totally should... Leelee Sobieski, I think...) made me fear semi trucks, truckers, corn fields, gruff men's voices on the telephone, and ice cream trucks. Scream made me scared of Matthew Lilliard, Skeet Ulrich, cracking your neck (ironic considering I still do it), and garage doors. Then there is the mother of all insomniac-creating movies. You know what it is. Drumroll... The Ring. It made me fear everything: phones, TVs that are on, TV's that are off, little girls, wells, little boys, circles, the phrase "seven days," horses, flies, static on TVs, water, and nighttime. That's just the short list. The other disappointing factor is that I haven't actually watched this movie in over a year and a half. Still I fear it.

What makes me bring it up? Well, two nights ago I was flipping through the three channels I have. They have been showing some pretty decent movies (While You Were Sleeping, Two Weeks Notice, Independence Day, and For Love of the Game...) and I was hoping to hit it well again. There was this kid on the screen. My heart started racing. Why would I be scared of this kid? There wasn't any scary music or anything. The whole picture however was freaking me out. I realized it was a funeral, but c'mon. Then I realized it was The Ring, right after the first death. It was already night, already past 11 o'clock and I was already in bed. That was all it took... I slept with the lights on, the TV on and the volume up, and my hammer by my bed. Because if a girl comes out of my TV from the afterlife, she's for sure gonna be scared of me and a hammer. Scary movies suck. Why would you want to be scared?? I heard Spielberg say that the allure is that you see a movie and it's scary, but then you come out and realize the world is still a-okay and it's comforting. Well, evidently I have issues separating fiction from reality.