Angst

As a high school English teacher, I see my fair share of censorship. The very idea of it makes me feel as angsty as those I am supposed to mold.

I would be crazy to insinuate that censorship, in all forms, is bad. I have to censor what my students say in the classroom just to maintain control and a variation of civilization, for instance. I wish that the FCC would focus less on how many times I hear the words penis and vagina on TV and focus more on not showing scary movie commercials that give me nightmares.

There are many times that I wish students, coworkers, people in front of me in line at the grocery store, etc. would use a bit more censorship. Just today I learned about an STD and its owner. Why? I don't want to know.

I know that I use censorship on a regular basis. How people still don't know that I have the mouth of sailor... Work, a blog, and my public cell phone conversations don't require me to swear. Color me innocent. Though I talk a lot, I say little and I suppose that's intentional. I don't want people (for the most part) in my business and I don't want to be a part of theirs.

Then, however, I hear of a book being pulled from schools. It makes me so angry. If there were better, more descriptive words, I'd use them. I don't want kids to have things taken away from them. So few read, so few care... we're going to take away one book that a kid actually read and talked about enough to have a parent complain?

I have kids asking me to read a modern American book about war. I'm not sure any would be approved by the powers that be. Do I tell them no? Do I tell students that we can't talk about certain political issues and we can't read books that use certain words? Describe certain activities?

Well, of course I do. I have to work harder to find a book. School is not my platform; my podium is not a pulpit. Just because they can't read a book in my classroom doesn't mean it's burning in the streets while evil men stand in the background, twisting their moustaches. Let's be honest. Those kids don't need me to save them from narrow minded thinking. Let's be more honest; it'd be too late anyway.

The idea of censorship in schools enrages me even while I know it's necessary. I just feel angsty.

It's just like the economy, politics, friendships, relationships -- the list goes on. I'm very, very sure when I see that things aren't happening as they're supposed to. However, I'm equally unsure how to fix them.

I once again fear that my proximity to high schoolers is rubbing off more on me than my influence is on them. (Wait, is it develope or develop?) I feel outraged, silenced, impotent, useless and guilty. Sounds like 16 to me...