No, You Heard Me Right

This morning (after I was again awakened by a Midas customer), I desperately had to pee. I don't think this is a unique phenomenon. Many people pee first thing in the morning. The thing I find funny is that lying in bed, you don't have to pee. You stand up? Bingo - Peetown.

Regardless, I wandered into my bathroom and lifted the seat. In my morning blurred eyes, I thought there was a fly on the inside of the bowl. Well, that wouldn't do. I tried to encourage the fly to fly away. It kind of jumped back and forth. So I leaned in for a closer look. Well, what do you know? Spider. By now, the urge to pee had taken over my body. My only thoughts were of peeing. I didn't want to kill the spider, but it is way beyond my call of duty to scoop a spider out of my toilet bowl, for goodness' sake. So I did what I could. I flushed. I watched the spider thrown about by waves. Finally. Wait, what's that? The dying, struggling spider was only bashed by the waves, not actually taken down into the recesses of the bowl.

At this point, I was almost doubled over by the pain of having to pee. Hearing a toilet flush does nothing for the relief of a bladder. After the spoken consolation of "Well, spiders can't fly... Look out below!", I peed on him. That's right. It was him or me and I'm much bigger than he is. I peed on a spider. Is there a special section of hell dedicated to me? Not only did I try to drown him in a toilet, I then peed on him.

As the queen of all segues, I am glad to be getting out of this spider infested flat for a couple weeks. There better not be spiders in the whole of the United Kingdom. If there are, I hope I hear tiny spider voices as I approach saying, "Watch out for that one, she's a pisser." I'll leave you with that thought -- see you in a couple weeks. :)